I was looking for some free entertainment earlier this summer, so I headed down to Boggs Park to watch some little league games. It was a beautiful night, two diamonds had games going on, and little kids were scarfing down chips and cheese and chasing each other around the light poles. It was Americana at its best. I drifted back and forth between diamonds with a little less frequency than I change the channel with the remote at home, but I would switch sides when things looked like they were getting interesting on the other field. I kept hearing one guy in the stands, and he seemed to be very agitated. You didn’t have to watch long to figure out which kid on the field was his … he yelled out to him some sort of instruction after every pitch the boy was involved in. He told him to change positions in the field depending on the batter. When the boy was at bat he reminded him of the count and what his thought process should be for the next offering. It seemed pretty excessive. It happened long enough that I asked a passing fan how old the kid was She responded “I am not sure … probably 10.” Ten. I went to a different place to watch for the rest of the night. The constant barking of a dad to his pup just wasn’t how I wanted to spend my evening. It reinforced in me that hopefully, someday, my kids will be in that position. What kind of dad will I be? This behavior happens at a lot of places, takes on a lot of forms, and is rooted in different problems. But sadly the results are the same: no one is happy. The kid’s not happy because they never feel like they’re doing it right. Even though the parent may be knowledgeable in the sport, the constant barrage of instructions makes a younger person feel like they are never in the right place. That kills confidence, which then makes the game harder, which lowers productivity. If a kid isn’t good at something, they aren’t likely to stay with it very long. The parent is frustrated because he knows what things are supposed to look like on the field of competition (or at least they think they do), and when they don’t it means someone didn’t listen or didn’t execute their plan. Parents want their kids to succeed – and who could blame them for that? – so they try to take control. The coach gets frustrated because, maybe just me thinking too much here, what is being yelled out to the players is either not right or not according to the plan the coach has. A good organization has to have one voice leading it. Ever go to a basketball game and see players look up into the stands at every dead ball? That is counter-productive to not only the team concept but also to the long-term learning process for the child. Think about this parents: If a child keeps looking to you for every single thing as they grow up, how will they be able to learn when you aren’t around to help them anymore? Part of learning is learning how to learn, and that means part of your job as a parent is to encourage your kids to be taught by people of different styles, different philosophies and different backgrounds. When they get to college, when they get into the real world and get jobs and spouses, how will they know what to do if you aren’t there to tell them? Here are three pieces of advice to sports parents: • LET THE COACHES COACH: They are there for a reason, and while many of them volunteer their time, a lot of them really do know what they are talking about. They probably have a specific way of doing things. You may not like it and it probably isn’t how you would do it, but they are the coach – deal with it. And here’s a novel concept, you might not know as much about it as you think. Or worse, the way you played in 1986 is probably not the way the game is played now. • LET THE PLAYERS PLAY: There are a lot of good things that come out of sports, and one of them is that they are fun (or they are supposed to be anyway). You being at their games probably means a lot to your child. Your support and encouragement goes a long way toward building both your relationship with them and also toward building their confidence levels moving forward. If you really want to help your kids play better, talk with the coach and ask him what they can do to improve. • LET THE FANS AROUND YOU ENJOY THE GAME: What I witnessed was about 15 minutes of misery at one diamond on one night. Can you imagine sitting with that guy every game for a whole summer? Yeesh. You’ll make a better impression by just sitting and cheering for your kids and their teams. Oh, here’s this too – when someone else’s kid makes a good play or does something good, cheer for that kid and give high fives to their parents too. Showing people that you care about their kids means you care about the parents too by default. They, in turn, will be much more likely to turn to you when your kid gets the game-winning hit or hits the game-winning shot if you do that. It should be noted here that this is not only a parenting problem. You grandparents who read this and go to your grandkids’ games are often worse about yelling at them during games because you tend not to filter your thoughts as much as you use to. Be careful with that. Enjoy sports, and let your kids enjoy sports, and let those around you enjoy sports. May the air be filled more with the cracking of bats, the thud of hands on volleyballs and the swishing sounds of basketballs in nets … and less with parents yelling from the stands at kids for every breathe they take.
