I hope Harold Kitson did a better job of vetting Jeff Harding, his curiously eager sidekick, than John McCain did with Sarah Palin. The smarmy Mrs. Palin - a "babe," says recovering drug addict Rush Limbaugh - saddled her Alaskan hamlet with massive debt as mayor and, in less than 20 months on the job as governor, is already under investigation for abuse of power. In her spare time, she mocks local community involvement efforts, contemplates censoring books, whines about the nonexistent but catchphrase-worthy "liberal media" and - I can only assume - attends to a makeshift shrine dedicated to Charlton Heston, where she gazes wistfully at an AK-47 and plays Toby Keith songs on her flute, her beauty pageant talent.
Mrs. Palin didn't support Mr. McCain in her state's presidential primary, and her mother-in-law told the New York Daily News she had yet to decide how she would vote, saying, "I'm not sure what she brings to the ticket other than she's a woman and a conservative." The old adage must be true: courting undecided voters starts at home.
Mrs. Palin governs a state with a population of 670,000, give or take a dead moose, presumably one she snuffed out when she wasn't lobbying hard for earmarks or raising money for indicted Republican senator Ted Stevens; if Alaska were a town, it would barely break into the top 20 largest U.S. cities. Before her brief stint there, she was mayor of a town significantly smaller than Warsaw.
Mrs. Palin's resume makes Dan Quayle look almost competent, which is no small feat. She's on record as saying she doesn't really understand what the vice president does anyway; Mr. Quayle left that office still not knowing, so I guess we'll call that one a draw.
Mr. Harding - Mr. Kitson's self-appointed defender/running mate/corn dog aficionado - is full of hate that appears to run deep and wide. Mr. Harding's views on Barack Obama and Mr. McCain: "Our choice is between a black racist flaming liberal and a white sellout flaming liberal. Come Lord Jesus, Come!" (posted on commentsfromleftfield.org). Mr. Harding's views on cable television: "Shut it off!" Just turn the damned TV off! ... Boycott the theives! (sic) (posted on freedomworks.org). Mr. Kitson and I disagree on a lot, but I would hate to think he's as randomly angry as Mr. Harding.
Mr. Kitson: It's not too late to dump Mr. Harding from your ticket. At the very least, perhaps you could help him find a corn dog and some fried fish. I think some grease and empty calories would pacify the "Harding Hate," at least momentarily.
Mr. Harding: a wise person once said, "I wanna make it right, that is the way; To turn my life around, today is the day." It worked for Troy Bolton in "High School Musical 2," and it can work for you.
